pain=reality

The pain sinks in...so hard...cuts through like a knife...and as much as I try not to let it sink in...it gets itself a comfortable spot right in between my 2nd and 3rd rib...Sometimes it stops around the neck...that's as far as it goes...it strangles me...makes it hard for me to breathe!
I am struck with so much pain all of a sudden...I just don't know how to handle it...by the time it will all be over...I don't think I'll have any tears left...any sadness! I am already in mourning, yet no one has died! No real-life human being anyway! A part of me died though...one that used to keep away from pain before...my childhood...the part that was always hopefull...was never afraid to dream...wasn't afraid to take chances!
I'm sitting at the edge of a cliff...I have four pairs of eyes...the ones in my back are wide open...they can see the world...the world behind me...they can see the world for what it truly is...they're staring in amazement and horror....yet they can't be closed! I have a pair of eyes in front... my mind's eyes...they always used to look towards the future...they used to dream...they used to stay wide open as they uncovered the wonderful, joyfull, colorfull sides of me...some that were better hidden... some that I knew of all along. I can't escape inside my mind anymore..reality is too thick..too heavy...too in my face
My mind's eyes are closed...there's nothing to see inside of me...anymore...

"I focus on the pain...the only thing that's real!"